I don’t want to hear the word “boyfriend” anymore, I don’t want to be told love is a “sacrifice” anymore, I don’t want another man’s hand on my body anymore. That chapter of my life is one I’m relieved to put away.
Nowadays I’m surrounded by a community of women; loving women, supportive women; and I am learning to rediscover myself, who I was meant to be.
I’m lighting scented candles for my girlfriend, I’m wearing my rainbow band with pride, and I’m cautiously allowing myself to dream again.
It will take time before her smile will have replaced the flashbacks of his hands. It will take time before I can hear someone say “I love you” and no longer hear “you owe me / I own you.” It will take time before I can say I am where I want to be, but I have learned that I am not alone in this, and I am so grateful.
For all of you who read my words, for all of you who are sending me love, for all of you who are rooting for me. With your support, I am learning to grow again. I dream that one day I’ll have grown into a magnificent tree, and I will no longer care for the leaves he picked. And this is surviving.
Nenagh Kurt is a poet, artist, and full time cat lady with an MA in Creative Writing. She wants to fill the world with more magic and softness.