Content warning for sexual assault
I was 19. It was summer and I was home from college for a couple months. My girlfriend and I went to a party at a friend’s house in the city. My girlfriend knew everyone really well–they had been friends since high school. I was just starting to hang out with this group; everyone but my girlfriend was an acquaintance.
We played various drinking games. Never Have I Ever. Beer Pong. Kings. Three boys lived in the house. One offered to let me crash in his room. I gratefully accepted the offer because there was only one couch. He had been friendly the entire night, so I didn’t think much of it.
Within a few hours everyone was getting ready for bed. My friend went into one of the other boy’s room. I grabbed my bag and followed my host into his room. I sat down on the bed and started pulling out my PJs. That’s when I noticed he had gotten out a camera. He came towards me, trying to catch some skin as I changed. I got under the covers to hide my body. He tried to talk me into flashing a boob or some leg. I said no and got into my pajamas as quickly as possible.
A couple minutes later he put down the camera and got into bed beside me. I was wrapped tightly in the bottom sheet so we were thankfully under different layers. He couldn’t touch me. We said goodnight and both pretended to go to sleep.
A few minutes passed. I felt an up and down motion to the left of me. Then I heard my name as the up and down motion became more violent. He moaned my name over and over again as he pleasured himself. I held my breath, not wanting to make as sound or any movement. I believed if he thought I was asleep he would stop soon. This wouldn’t be the first time I’d pretend to be asleep to ignore middle of the night violation, whether it be masturbation or groping. Luckily, on this occasion, he did finish quickly.
I didn’t sleep all night. In the morning he didn’t seem to remember. He acted like nothing had happened. He said how drunk he’d been.
The sickest part is he and I are still friendly. I’ve never brought it up to him, but I know his roommates made fun of him for it after I confided in my girlfriend. Yet even though she told all of them, no one ever apologized to me, or seemed embarrassed it happened. They know what he did. So does he, and he knows I know, but all there is is silence and jokes. Silences and jokes.
Christina Rosso is a writer, educator, and dog mom living in South Philadelphia. She has a MFA in Creative Writing and Master’s in English from Arcadia University. Currently, she is an adjunct English professor at La Salle University and Penn State Abington. Her work has been featured in Supposed Crimes, Twisted Sister Lit Mag, Across the Margin, and Zeroflash. Find her on Twitter @Rosso_Christina.